


The One Where Finn Drives

by orphan_account



Series: The Cosmic Finn and Poe Show [1]
Category: Star Wars
Genre: Alternate Universe, But he gets over it don't worry, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Modern AU, POV Finn (Star Wars), Past Relationship(s), Poe Being an Idiot, Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Poe smokes but that doesn't mean you need to so don't, they broke up but they're getting back together and you can't stop them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 19:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11951151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Finn thinks he's moved on after Poe breaks up with him in the most douchey way possible. That the FinnPoe phase in his life is over; bound, gagged and tossed away, never to be seen or heard from again.He's had to rethink that when he finds himself driving Poe's awful red pickup truck with Poe getting high in the passenger seat next to him later that same day.(Or: Poe decides to get his shit together: a biography)





	The One Where Finn Drives

Poe puts his head in his hands and sighs. “Are you okay?” asks Finn, concern pulling his brows together.

“Drive,” mumbles Poe.

“Drive where?”

“Anywhere. I don’t care. Just drive, damn it.”

The old chevy pickup truck that used to belong to Poe’s dad Kes coughs and rumbles as Finn revs up the engine; it sounds like a dragon being woken up from a long slumber.

“So we just...we just wing it. That's your plan?” Finn sneaks a glance at Poe, whose head now rests in his folded arms placed atop the dashboard. His dark hair tickles a funko pop figurine of Captain America, bobbing its comically large plastic head along to the song on the radio.

Poe nods. Finn rolls his shoulders and tightens his grip on the wheel. “Okay. Okay, then.”

They drive.

The sky fades and flushes from orange to a violent purple to ink.

Finn keeps his eyes on the road and his thoughts away from his heart.

Poe sits up when they're far enough out of the city that the formidable buildings dissipate to give way to sprawling, open country. Poe lights a joint and balances it between his teeth. He leans his head against the glass of his window, his weary eyes darting across the sea of patchwork fields and the banners of cloud trailing across the sky; watching them with a blank indifference.

He has a sort of casual, easy grace about him. In the way he slouches. In the way the hair rests in curls on his head. In the way the cigarette hangs from the corner of his mouth. The only things that move are his eyes, skimming over the landscape with nothing better to do. Like clockwork, his hand pulls the cigarette from his mouth, smoke leaves his lips, and he replaces the joint between his teeth. It's a mechanic movement. Like he's doing it subconsciously.

Everything about him seems to be pulled downwards. His shoulders, his lower lip slightly agape, his very demeanor. All gravitating down.

Finn remembers when they first met. How _alive_ and _glad_ to be alive Poe was. How he just knew what time of year the cicadas or comets would come, but didn't know how to balance a checkbook. How he counted insects and climbed trees and made constellations in the stars and in the freckles on Finn’s shoulders. Poe was a thing of beauty. He was an intellectual, and he was naive. It was hard not to be drawn to him. Finn tried. He failed.

How thankful he was that he did.

Then Finn had woken up one morning to find Poe’s side of the bed empty. Poe’s closet bare. Poe’s number and their text chain deleted from Finn’s phone. The truck in the driveway was gone. Finn had scrambled all over town looking for Poe, but he had simply vanished off the face of the Earth. It was as if he'd never existed. Finn caught himself wondering if maybe he'd imagined Poe entirely, because surely so perfect a human being could not exist in real life?

Almost four months later, Poe had pulled up beside Finn in his truck as Finn was walking home, and asked him to get into the driver's seat. Finn climbed in and Poe slid into the passenger seat. Now, nearly three hours later, Finn was driving and his heart was alive like it’d never been before.

“Can you tell me what's going on?” asks Finn quietly.

Silence. Stone cold silence.

“Poe?” it was the first time that name had left his lips in an eternity.

No answer.

_I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be putting up with this. He can't just disappear with no warning, and then waltz back into my life and expect me to welcome him with open arms. This is so unfair._

_Then leave. What's stopping you?_

_He's stopping me._

_He hasn't said a word._

_I can't leave. I...I can't._

_You can._

_I can, but I won't._

_Why?_

_How can I live the rest of my life knowing that I had a chance to bring back the man I love, and I didn't take it?_

_You still love him._

_And if I do?_

_He's just going to hurt you again. Is it really worth it?_

_For him, it's worth anything._

Finn bears down on the brakes, grinding the truck to a halt and gritting his teeth as he does. His heart beats at an unsteady tempo, gaining momentum and readying itself to hammer its way out of his chest.

Did he really still love Poe? After what the latter had put him through? Or was it just the _feeling_ of being love that he missed, and this feeling was what he assumed was real love?

Either way, was Poe worth this? No explanations, no excuses. Just throwing the door to Finn’s life wide open for Poe to stride back in?

Poe raises his eyebrows. Without a word, Finn climbs out of the driver's seat, tugs the lapels of his cardigan closer, and marches down the road back into the city; away from stupid Poe and that stupid truck and all the stupid feelings that came with them.

“What are you doing?” calls Poe’s ragged voice.

“I'm leaving. Just like you left me,” Finn snaps angrily. Maybe it would be better if he did leave. Better for him. He'd just managed to find his footing after Poe disappeared, and he'd be throwing all that away if he stayed in the truck a second longer. He'd be taking on the risk that Poe would leave him again; break his heart again. Is Poe really worth that?

_I am Icarus, and he is the sun._

_Can I allow him to burn me again?_

_Can I allow myself to love him again?_

Finn’s no more than a few yards away from the truck when he hears the sound of a car door opening and slamming shut behind him. A pair of shoes slapping dirt road. A hand on his shoulder; grounding him; spinning him around.

Poe.

Finn breathes in and out. In and out. Slowly. Poe is still beautiful, but a slightly watered-down version of the man he was. His hair longer, falling now till the nape of his neck; an unkempt bedhead of wild curls. His eyes are bloodshot and heavy. His shoulders slumped--Atlas sinking to his knees under the weight of the unseen; the unfelt; the ever-present. The joint is pulled from between his canines and snuffed under the toe of his boot. His mouth is red and his pupils are blown wide; a slim band of dark brown iris around endless black centers.

Poe’s lips are against Finn’s without warning.

Finn decides that Poe tastes like cigarettes and dying stars.

“I--” Poe starts, pulling away suddenly. The kiss wasn't long enough. Finn wants to scream because he _missed_ the firm weight of Poe’s body against his own and Poe’s long fingers at his jaw; the warmth of Poe's mouth and the small sigh Poe made when Finn kissed back. He'd been missing it all this time and he didn't realize it. Either that or he just didn't want to realize it.

The words catch in Poe’s throat. He stumbles over them, like he just ran a marathon and he is desperate to cross the finish line. His breathing is hard and heavy.

“I can't do this.” Finn realizes that he's the one who breaks the silence.

“What?”

“I'm sorry. I can't. You can't do this to me. I don't--this is too hard, Poe.”

“No, no. It's easy. I'll show you.” Poe cups Finn’s jaw and kisses him again. “See? Easy,” he whispers and laughs shakily. Finn feels his eyes sting.

“It's not. We...you left me and you broke me and I won't let you do it again,” Finn says, every word like a stab wound to Poe and it shows on his face.

“I was scared. I was scared,” Poe replies, once to Finn, once to himself. “Of what?”

“Of this.”

He takes Finn’s hand in his and guides the other man's palm towards his chest. Finn’s fingers spread and his palm flattens just over Poe’s heart. It’s beating at two hundred miles a minute; like a sledgehammer against Poe’s ribs. Finn’s eyes widen.

“I…I was afraid of how quickly I’d fallen for you. How you were the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing on my mind at night. I was afraid because this...it’s...I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and...” Poe can't find the words or he's forgotten them all. Finn’s mouth is dry.

“I woke up to you sleeping in my bed that morning.” Finn knows immediately what morning he's referring to. “You had a sort of frown on your face and your nose was crinkled up. I spent a long time memorizing your face. Then I kissed your forehead, you smiled in your sleep and sighed. And I when I tried to tell myself I wasn't in love, I realized that I was.”

Finn shakes his head quickly and takes a step back, just out of Poe's reach. "You're high," he snaps feebly.

"No, Finn, for the first time in my life I'm thinking clearly. The cigarettes are just for confidence."

Poe’s eyes are teary. His teeth worry his bottom lip. Finn’s insides are coiled but his chest is numb. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he puts them on Poe’s hips. Tentatively. “Why did you leave, then?” Finn’s voice is a whisper of a summer breeze.

“I had to sort myself out. It was so new and so scary and I…” Poe trails off.

“I didn't want to say it and then be turned down. I didn't want to lose you like that,” Poe breathes.

Finn kisses Poe. As slowly as he can. “You should've stuck around. Maybe I'd have surprised you,” he mumbles. Poe looks confused. He also looks hopeful.

“What?”

“Poe Dameron, I've loved you for longer than I've loved anybody else. I love you. I need you. I need you like I need _air._ ”

Poe stares. Finn brushes a dark curl of hair out of the other man’s eyes.

Finn nods.

They jog back to the truck, Finn’s hand tightly clenched in Poe’s. Poe pauses to search Finn’s eyes for approval. _Is this okay?_

Finn nods minutely. _It is._

Poe climbs into the flatbed with an easy grace; unlatching the drop-down back panel and using the side of the truck to push himself up. He extends a hand for Finn to take. His fingers are long. His palm is calloused.

Finn is not as graceful. Poe’s hand gripping his, he clambers into the flatbed. His shoe catches on something and he loses his balance and falls, face-first into Poe, who startles and lands on his back. Finn is sprawled on Poe’s chest. Their eyes face each other.

They're tangled together and they're breathing hard as they laugh. Finn's fists are clenched in the front of Poe's shirt and Poe's hands are pressed against the small of Finn's back.

The laughter fades and Poe is staring. His gaze is more human now. Staring at the silhouette of Finn over him, drowned in waxing moonlight. Drinking it in.

The moon illuminates Poe’s face and Finn notices all the lines etched in it: the deep brackets of laugh lines, worry lines, and frown lines. His lips are parted. Finn edges closer, angling his mouth to fit over Poe’s with an uncertainty he can't seem to shake. They're like teenagers, going at it for the first time. Exploring. Familiarizing. Full of _is this okay?_ glances and hummed reassurances. Finn breathes him in. Tastes him.

Cigarettes.

Dying stars.

Finn pauses. He brushes Poe's lips with his own; a bird skimming across the surface of water. Poe sighs and presses back. Something moves in Finn's chest. Slides back into place.

Icarus holds onto the sun; clings to it, and his hands turn an angry red, but his heart swells.

“I never should have let you go,” whispers Poe when Finn pulls away, his hands still fisting the material of Poe's shirt. “After everything, I never should've,” he says.

Finn isn't quite sure what Poe means by that, but he knows that they'll have time to talk about it. There'll be time for questions. There'll be time in the morning.

The sky is beautiful. The orange and dusty purple-bottomed clouds swirl. Old sunlight streaks the horizon. A strange, human sort of hostility fills the air, as though just by being here Finn and Poe are treading on something ancient and powerful. But they are two halves finally being reunited. Their touches and gasps dance with electricity. The atmosphere is a stretched rubber band, heavily taut and ready to snap. The stars weep.

“I just need to know: did you ever stop loving me?” asks Finn, his head buried in Poe’s shoulder. Their legs are entwined.

“Never. Never,” Poe whispers, just for Finn and the universe to hear. “Never,” he says again, and he says it again as he presses his lips to Finn’s forehead.

“Did you?” asks Poe slowly.

“I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I never did,” Finn rolls his eyes and says teasingly, and he can just barely make out Poe’s wide eyes and small smile in the dark.. "Yeah, but you never can be too sure," Poe shrugs, nuzzling under Finn's jaw to press his lips to the other man's neck.

There would be time to talk. And when the time came, they would.

Right now, they’re just two boys in the flatbed of a red pickup truck. Holding on to each other and promising themselves not to let the other go; not this time; not again. They are made of the same stardust; made of the same shadows, and the night is still young.

Finn can feel Poe’s teeth against his lips again as the other man breaks into a broad grin. He can feel Poe’s hands ghosting over his shoulders. He can feel the cracks mending. The ache ebbing away. He can _feel._

_Finally._

Poe lies on his side. Finn in his arms. He plays with Poe’s dark hair and decorates his unshaven jaw with kisses. Poe sighs and low moans tremble in the back of his throat. They press closer to each other. Finn’s eyes--sliding shut akin to a man returning home after a long and tiring journey--open in a sudden fit of fear.

Would he be there when I woke up?

What if this was a dream?

Poe’s heartbeat beside Finn’s own reassured him.

Finn knew that when the sun peeled away from the horizon, he would ask for answers. Answers to questions that would undoubtedly hurt. But he needed them. To put the demons from his past to bed, if not for anything else.

If he was being totally honest, he would do it all again, if it meant he could simply replay this night; this moment and experience the thunderous feeling of sheer hope that took root in his bones and spiderwebbed through him as much as he could. He loved it. He craved it. Most of all he craved Poe. Poe and his lip-biting and his cackle-like laugh and his voice and his jokes and his truck and his body and hands and face and heart and--

He craved the cigarettes and the dying stars.

But, slow steps. They would take it slow. They would do it right, this time. No more fooling around.

He craved more.

Right now, this would have to be enough.

And for Finn, it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! The Cosmic Finn and Poe Show is a (soon-to-be) collection of one-chapter fics, and they chronicle lots of events of Finn and Poe's relationship. This was really fun to write, so let me know what you think!
> 
> (P.S. The Cosmic Finn and Poe Show just contains AU stuff, but I might slip in a few canon fics if I'm up for it.)


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